By: XSTILLA.COM

 

Most would agree that single parenting isn’t ideal. However, it is sometimes necessary, and can benefit the children involved. A child raised in a single parent household does not have to have a sub-standard rearing.

 

It is often the case that the alternative to the single parenting situation is something far more detrimental to the children. Though divorce is not pleasant, it can be less like a severing and more like an evolving into something else - even something more life-sustaining.

 

The phrase “single parenting” is really a misnomer. No child is raised by just one adult, even more so the child of a single parent. We as parents love our children, and should utilize all resources given to us.

 

As we face the prospect of parenting without a partner, we need to list our “sphere of support.” The wisest approach is to go from the individual closest to the child and move outward. You are still a participant in this process, and have final approval of all voices permitted to speak into your child’s life.

 

As a parent, custodial or non-custodial, your voice is crucial to the self-perception of the child. You need to feed yourself the nourishing food of life or your voice will grow weaker. As the closest circle in the support system of your children, you need to carve out and diligently protect times of refreshing and relaxation. This will instill that you indeed are the parent you long to be when you are with your children.

 

On the next rung out are extended family members. Not only can they lend you a real and practical help in allowing you to take some time off, but can speak reassuring, positive truths to your children. They can reinforce the values you long to instill in the hearts of your kids. They can also provide a fun alternative, if the reality of the divorce or inevitable friction produced by it is too much to hide.

 

The next rung is school and community. Schools, for all the negative press, are still full of loving educators who long to build up your children. Use their expertise and experience to influence your children in your absence. Write their teachers, email them or even call them at home. They can lend insight into your children’s behaviors, and thus their needs, while you are unable to be near them. Sports, civic organizations or faith communities can also provide fertile soil in which to grow the spirits of your children. Although, as a parent, your influence must always be present in external activities to insure the desired environment for your kids, you can still feel the help provided from these organizations.

 

Last but not least, even married parents are full of guilt. Guilt just makes frantic, desperate parents. You must draw a line in the sand now and for always. You are to feel love for your child and yourself. Resolve to be a parent “now.” Don’t be a parent that lives in past failures or future hopes. Your kids need you now. Married or not, you still are the ideal one for them.