When you’re in an abusive marriage, it is difficult to love yourself.  Whether you are told over and over again why you shouldn’t love yourself or you’re given plenty of reasons not to, it’s pretty easy to think badly of who you are.  However, the first thing you should know is that you are no less special, important or valid than anyone else.  Some people may not think that you’re wonderful or beautiful or talented, but their opinion does not matter.  Yours is the only one that does.  Here are some tips for learning to love you in an abusive marriage.

 

 

You need to get out of an abusive marriage.  There is absolutely no reason why you should stay with someone who is abusive – especially when there are plenty of great, loving, kind and gentle people who are looking for someone just like you!  If someone is abusing you, what does that say about how much they care for you?  Nothing!  If you are afraid to leave because you think your spouse will retaliate against you or your children, wait until he or she is gone to leave.  

 

Go straight to the police station and tell them what’s happening.  They can protect you and they will.  If you have no financial resources, they will point you in the direction of groups or organizations that will help you.  There is no excuse for staying with an abusive spouse.  Many, many ordinary people find out that they are heroes each year when they get themselves and their children out from under an abusive spouse.

 

 

Make a list and label it ‘reasons to love myself.’  Now, spend about a half an hour thinking of all the wonderful reasons you should love yourself.  What is it about you that is special?  Every one of us have something great about who we are – so list the things that make you great.  You might put beautiful, funny, talented, patient, understanding, smart – whatever it is, write it down.  Then, take a few minutes to look over the list and think about those amazing qualities or talents you possess.  Read this list and truly think about it at least once a day or whenever you are feeling down on yourself.  

 

Join a Support Group  

 

There are many others who are going through or have gone through the same thing as you.  Finding a great support group, whether it’s online or in your local area – is a great way to feel better about yourself.  You can see how those who have been in abusive relationships are down on themselves and you will probably be the first to realize that the things they think about themselves aren’t usually true.  This will help you a lot as you realize that you are more important and special than you think Speaking with others who can offer valuable tips and suggestions helps greatly as well.