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Considering Divorce
What Ever Happened to the Traditional Wife?
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By: XSTILLA.COM

Let me start by saying this article is just one man’s opinion. By no means is this meant to be an assault on women. This is just meant to start a forum.

I remember my mother saying that marriage was like a bicycle. The man was the wheel and the woman was the spokes that held the wheel together. What a great visual. No one part more important than the other. Each part working together, as the wheel rolls along. My parents were married for 47 years before my mother died of lung cancer. Doesn’t it feel like our parents generation (sprung out of the depression) had marriages that lasted longer, as well as were stronger? Why is this? Why has the divorce rate climbed so high?

There are two “major” reasons why people get married. To start a family and for companionship. So after the children are born and the marriage is well on its way.. what happens? Somewhere along the way women have been told that there is something wrong with them if they want to stay home and take care of their children and husband.

Looking back at my child years, I distinctly remember how my mother treated my father. She would start cooking dinner around 4pm. The house was picked up and we were told to settle down by 5pm. My father would walk in almost every night to a quiet house at 6pm, (trains were never late). We would sit down as a family for dinner almost immediately. My mother would help us with our homework, bathe us and put us to bed. After that my parents would spend the rest of the evening together. Sound familiar?

My father respected my mother because he knew that he wouldn’t have the strength to work everyday without her help with the home. By the way, my father did not make a lot of money. He had two jobs!!

My mother respected my father because she KNEW that as long as she gave him a happy warm place to come home to, he could continue to get up and work, thus providing her the chance to have her home. The wheel and the spokes!

Lets not misunderstand things. They fought. There were even a few times I thought my parents were going to get divorced. But I firmly believe that what kept them together was their undying respect they had for each other while performing their respective roles in their marriage. There was never any competition amongst them. They knew each others place in the marriage..both equally important, neither able to survive without the other. I remember my father saying, “Your Mother has my back. She is always there for me!”

Here is my question: Isn’t that what every man wants? To have a wife who “has his back” ? Show me a successful marriage and I will show you a man who knows his wife has his back.

I speak from experience. My X wife never had my back. In fact she couldn’t even tell you what I did for a living. Forget the sex. Forget the money. Being married to someone who does not have your back is a very very lonely place to be.

I just can’t help but think that if husbands and wives subscribed to the wheel and spoke theory more often the divorce rate would go down. marriage shouldn’t be a competition between each other. This is obviously one mans theory, but if there is a next time for me, I want a woman who has my back. I can earn a living on my own but having someone to support me and bring some peace and tranquility to my life is what would ultimately keep me loyal and always coming home!



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Report Abuse heather February 16, 2009 at 11:19AM
To be honest, I would prefer to be a traditional wife. I am 22. I had a single mother who worked two and three jobs, to make ends meet. I hardly ever saw my father. However, when I was young we lived with my grandparents. Who had a traditional marriage. My grandfather is 7 years older than my grandmother, they were married shortly after she graduated from high school and my grandfather returned from service. They had the same theory about the wheel. They worked together, made things work, even if they had differences. My grandmother stayed home and cared for the children, my grandfather worked two jobs. I always pictured when I got married the same arrangement. I would take care of the house, the children, my husband, and he in turn would work and provide for our family. I believe that it is these types of foundations that yield the best family life. The children are happy, we are happy, and we have few worries. I do go to college, I have graduated school, and I believe that there is a lot of "forced feminism" out there. Feminist will scream and holler about working being equal to men, and getting the same pay. Those things are not important to me. My husband and children's happiness is more important to me. Those feminist RARELY have happy marriages. THEY are what have increased the divorce rate. I feel my place is in the home. If I feel like doing some good or get bored I will volunteer at my church. I should not be criticized by feminist for putting my family's best interest before my own selfish desires. I will work if you desperately need more income, I am not ashamed to. I will take responsibility for my children and not throw them into day care for someone else to raise in my absence. It is my responsibility to tend to my family, my household, and not hire someone to take my place. I think this feminist movement is a way for women to get back at school yard games. Real women don't need to have a job where she makes triple her husbands salary. A real women handles ALL aspects of life. Who said it's easy staying home? If it's so easy then why don't more women do it? I believe it is more difficult than going to a job. I can leave my job and go home and that is that, I cannot however leave my family. I am on call 24 hours a day, two am feedings, sick children or husband, tending to his mother, my mother, cooking dinner, making lunches, doing homework with my children, making costumes for plays, fixing leaky facets, vacuuming, dishes, lunches, GIVING LOVE!, this is where MOST feminists seriously lack. Then they wonder why their children don't love them. They lacked a connection, they rush out of maternity leave, don't breast feed, and basically cut all ties to their child after it leaves their womb. No wonder children lack affection, and consciences. They aren't taught. I will always have my husband's back. There should be no other way.
Report Abuse JT007 July 28, 2009 at 07:33PM
Here here my dear, and i'll always have my wife's back. Nice comment.
Report Abuse aneidabreak September 16, 2009 at 01:19AM
That all sounds good and wonderful, but not all of us can count on our husband to earn a decent living to support a family. From my own experience, it was a constant battle, I earned more than him, worked less hours, but got flack because I didn't work as many hours a week as him, although I was still doing all the traditional wifely duties on top of my job. Which BTW included full time breastfeeding for 1 1/2 years. That is where I believe the problems are coming from in marriages today. Unless the woman is working the exact same job with the exact same hours and the exact same pay, then we are still expected to do most of the traditional wifely duties. I'm sorry but I can't do it all, and trying to do so just leads to utter burn out, frustration, and a bad marriage. And If I'm working and supporting the family too, then I also need someone to get my back. The men don't know how to turn the tables and get the wife's back in the same turn that they receive when they need it.
Report Abuse zelgadiss March 06, 2009 at 02:37PM
You want to know what happened to the traditional wife? Feminism! That's what happened! Read much more about the truth here:
http://allwomennotlikethat.blogspot.com/
http://loseloseprospect.blogspot.com/
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