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To Be or Not to Be Married – That Is the Question
(10 Questions to Determine If Divorce is the Right Answer for You)
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By: XSTILLA.COM
Are you and your spouse considering divorce but aren’t sure if you’re making the right decision? Do you facilitate between knowing that divorce is the right decision and then wanting to give your marriage a second chance? Well, I understand your pain and confusion. Deciding whether to get divorced is an extremely difficult decision and requires a lot of thought. You have to delve deep and put your marriage under a microscope and see it for what it is – either salvageable or not. In this article, I’ve put together a list of some hard but important questions to help you discover the truth. So, without further adieu, let’s get started:
1. Do you have separate interests? Although it's important for couples to have separate interests, having at least a few things in common is crucial for building togetherness. If you find that you don’t share any interests, it may be time to move on.
2. Is it a chore to be near one another? Although all couples argue from time to time and don’t get along, if you and your spouse never have fun together anymore, then it may be time to move on. It simply isn’t healthy to be in a relationship where the two of you argue constantly about every trivial thing or simply can’t stand to be together. If this is the case, you will likely begin to feel resentful toward your spouse which is usually a sign that the love has stopped blooming and only weeds remain.
3. Are there serious issues going on such as physical or emotional abuse, or infidelity? With infidelity, some couples can work out their problems but in most instances, resentment and lingering feelings of pain associated with the affair or fling erode the romance. If there is any kind of abuse whatsoever, this is an immediate and strong sign that a divorce should take place as you are putting your emotional and physical well being at risk and this is not acceptable..
4. Is all communication gone? If you discover that your spouse isn't sharing their thoughts or important information with you, this is usually a clear sign that all communication in the marriage is gone. And, without adequate communication, you don’t have much of a marriage.
5. Is your intimate life non-existent? Intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to refer to sex. Physical affection is equally important in a relationship and when neither spouse is no longer interested in sharing affection, this is usually one of the very first signs the marriage may have reached a point of no return.
6. Is there constant criticism and lack of respect for others feelings? If it seems as if your relationship is poisoned and that past hurts are always being brought up regardless of the initial resolution or amount of time that's passed, then it may be time to move on.
7. Have you already tried counseling to no avail? Even if you cannot convince your partner to attend counseling, often it's rather helpful for one spouse to go alone for their own benefit. If your spouse refuses to seek counseling, chances are that he or she is not that concerned about what happens in the marriage. Now, this is not always the case, but think about it; if your spouse loved you and wanted to keep the marriage alive, wouldn't he or she be willing to do whatever it took, including counseling?
8. Are the staying together only for the sake of the children? If you’re only together for appearance sake then it may be better to move on. Although divorce tends to affect children deeply, they are even more affected by parents who only stay together for their parent’s sake. Therefore, it may be best to co-parent in separate homes if the children are the only string holding the two of you together. As they’ll feel the tension and stress within the house. By separating, you’ll still be able to give them the love, attention and time.
9. Do you feel stressed and anxious when you’re with your partner? If you feel in a constant state of stress whenever you’re with your partner then that is not a good sign at all. Life is too short to be stressed out and we all know that excessive stress and strain can cause physical and emotional issues.
10. Do you just have an aching feeling that it just isn’t working anymore? If you have a feeling that your marriage can’t be saved and you simply feel that it would be better to move on with your life then chances are that you should go with your feelings. You know yourself better than anyone and if you believe that you would be better off alone then a divorce may be the best choice.
In conclusion, these are just some of the questions and circumstances that usually signal divorce may be the right answer, however only you and your spouse can decide what is best for the two of you. By carefully evaluating your personal situation and asking yourself these 10 questions, you’ll hopefully have a better idea of whether marriage or divorce is the right answer for you.
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I have recently discovered that my husband is in full blown mid-life transition (other wise know as midlife crisis) or male menapause. Right now I'm waiting for all the fog to clear in his mid-life transitional thinking. The need to have change, the need to do things different, the general dissatisfaction with life.
I'm believing that one day he will return to the man that somewhat resembles the man I married 'cause right now he is so far gone I don't recognize the man that I'm living with.
Many times divorce happens to couples that have been married for 25-30 years due to the male's midlife transition, this too should be addressed as far as reasons for infidelity and consequently divorce, because men become convinced that they are no longer happy with the woman they have been married to fo x number of years and are suddenly ready to trade them in for a new model (usually someone about 15 years younger).
This patient waiting is the hardest thing, the most painful thing I have ever endured. My silent vow is not taking any step toward divorce for one year. One year from the date that he told me that he was seeing someone else. Feb. 22.
I hope I make it.