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Tips to Prepare Your Child for an Impending Divorce
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By: XSTILLA.COM
Divorce can be a rather stressful, even traumatic time not only for the adults involved, but also for the children. While a child's reaction will usually depend on their age, many will have certain feelings that include a wide range of emotions such as anger, sadness, or fear. Thankfully there are several easy ways of alleviating those fears and ensuring your child's life is a happy and well adjusted one.
Breaking the News
Both parents should be present when telling the children, and the fact that the divorce has nothing at all to do with them should be highly emphasized throughout the conversation. It's imperative that children know that they are in no way responsible for the breakup of the marriage. Too often children try to blame themselves, taking on adult responsibilities and burdens instead of dealing with their own feelings.
Ease Their Fears
Often children fear that their parents will somehow "divorce" them as well someday and have growing fears about being abandoned or "sent away" somewhere else to live. Remind your child frequently that your love for them is permanent and unconditional, and that what happened between you and your soon to be ex spouse has no bearing on your relationship with them.
Initiate Conversation
It’s important to convey the message to your child that their feelings matter and that you want to know what they're thinking, how they feel, and anything else they're willing to share. Sometimes children aren't able to vocalize their emotions and act out in other ways instead. Assure them that you're both there to hear what they have to say, that you value their input, and that support and understanding are always going to be a part of the equation.
Maintain Normalcy
If one parent has already moved from the family home and will be sharing custody, it's important to maintain a sense of normalcy, keeping the children's routines as regular as possible. This includes keeping their usual activities, meal times, household rules, and disciplinary issues the same.
Many parents make the common mistake of spoiling a child during a divorce, being more lenient or lax with matters such as chores, behavior, or discipline. In all actuality, easing up on the rules or limits you've set for your child during this time of great change may actually cause them to feel more insecure and unsure as to what their life will be like after the divorce.
Seek Help
If you or your children are having difficulties adjusting to the thought of divorce, don't hesitate to seek help from a counselor or therapist. It's natural to need guidance during a major life crisis such as a divorce, and family therapy provides a way for everyone to make their feelings heard and validated through the advice of a trained professional. If the parents are able to make the transition smoothly and deal with any painful issues or emotions of their own, the children will undoubtedly have an easier time themselves.
Have Patience
Having patience with not only your children, but also yourself, is critical when preparing for an impending divorce. The emotional loss and hurt feelings that are often synonymous with divorce are natural and will require a patient kind of healing that only comes with time. Some children may take six months to a year to adjust, while others will rebound rather quickly.
With love, support, caring, and understanding from both parents, any child should be able to successfully make the adjustment to a divorce. Regardless of the changes that are to come, always put the children's needs first and foremost with the ultimate focus on what's best for them.
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