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How to Prepare Yourself Emotionally for a Divorce
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By: XSTILLA.COM
If you and your spouse are considering a divorce, you’ve probably taken some time, explored your feelings and have come to the realization that divorce is your only answer. However, you may be wondering about the myriad of feelings that you’re about to experience or are currently experiencing. In this article, we’ll discuss how to prepare yourself emotionally for a divorce.
First of all, you must realize that you will likely experience a myriad of feelings during the process. A divorce is similar to mourning the loss of a loved one. There are usually five stages one goes through when facing the prospect of divorce. These stages are:
Denial-a state of disbelief where you refuse to believe that the situation is happening.
Anger- a state where you feel resentful and want to lash out against your partner.
Bargaining –a state where you vow to change or insist on fixing the broken relationship.
Depression – where you feel a sense of hopelessness, dread, or deep sense of loss.
Acceptance – you accept that the relationship is truly over
Second, you must keep in mind that you’re not the only one going through this wide range of emotions, and that it's perfectly normal to take however long is necessary to progress through the stages. Some individuals may take a few weeks to get through the worst of the feelings that they are dealing with. It can quite literally take years for other individuals. Don't begin to wonder if something is wrong with you because you are taking a long time to deal with the emotions of the divorce. Everyone is different and it's not right or wrong to take a longer amount of time to adjust to the feelings that you have and the differences in your life.
Third, it is important to keep everything in perspective. Although well meaning family and friends may offer advice as to how much time should pass before you're able to cope with the divorce and move on with your life, you are the only one who knows how you're truly feeling, so thank them for their concern, but ultimately use your judgment where your own emotions are concerned. No matter how someone else may have reacted to their divorce, it doesn't mean that it will be the same for you. Everyone is different and you may take a longer period of time to move on with your life and it may take you a shorter period of time. No matter how long it takes you, you shouldn't compare your situation with someone else's situation.
Fourth, don’t dwell on the past. What is done is done. Therefore if makes absolutely no sense to beat yourself up about your impending divorce. Instead, you must concentrate on your future. You must do what you can to make yourself happy. For instance, you may find that now is the time to improve yourself and your life. A lot of the time, looking forward and focusing on a hobby that you have always enjoyed, a sport that you love to play or a new career choice, the point is that you need to look forward. When you have something else to focus on and you spend time focusing on that, you won't be dwelling on the past in an unhealthy way.
For instance, when Mark was going through his divorce, he went through all the stages of grief. He experienced intense feelings and wondered if he would ever get over the loss of his marriage. Since his wife was the one that left him and requested the divorce, Mark’s feelings were intensified. For Mark the best option was immersing himself in his work. Of course he was devastated and upset about the divorce however, he found that focusing on his work gave him an outlet as well as a distraction. While it didn't completely alleviate the pain that Mark felt, it helped him to overcome the intense emotions that he was feeling and realize that there was more to his life, although his marriage was over.
Fifth, understand that life goes on. Although divorce can be a difficult process, you can get through this situation and move on with your life. Yes, it will be tough but you can do it. Everyone handles the situation differently and the length of time or intensity of your feelings will vary so hold your head up and know that you are not alone.
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