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Five Rules for Keeping the Peace with Your Ex
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By: XSTILLA.COM
It's no secret that being civil to one another during and after a divorce is often easier said than done. However, by making a conscious effort to keep the peace with your ex-spouse, you and everyone involved, particularly your children, will have an easier time with the emotions that are commonly experienced during this difficult time.
There's no law that says we have to be friends with an ex-spouse. There's also no reason for anyone to let an ex's negative attitude affect their own, or their new, independent life. We are all responsible for our own well-being, and we all have the power to control our own thoughts and feelings, rather than allowing someone else to dictate our frame of mind.
Here are five simple rules for keeping the peace with your ex while continuing on to a new, happier life.
Rule 1: Stop arguments before they start.
Even if your ex is being unreasonable or even hostile at times, there's no reason you have to mimic their actions or allow them to dampen your spirit. Take the high road by displaying the type of behavior you'd want your children to follow, regardless of what your ex does or doesn't do.
Remember, you're no longer married to each other, and this person shouldn't be given the power to anger you or allow you to resort to your old way of fighting with one another continuously. Refuse to take the "bait" if your ex continues to start arguments, and sooner or later, they'll see that their childish antics no longer have an effect on you.
Rule 2: Mind your own business.
There's absolutely no purpose for either of you to know about the other's new personal life, or lack thereof. The daily or intimate details of one another's lives are no longer either of your concern. Each of you are entitled to your privacy, and if your children are old enough to understand, they should be informed of the same rule.
Rule 3: Don't use the children as weapons.
It's imperative to never use your children as a way of hurting or "getting even" with your ex. Children aren't pawns, but are rather highly sensitive individuals with complex feelings who can be permanently affected by a painful, complicated divorce at any age.
Divorced parents should have one objective in mind; doing whatever is necessary for the welfare of their children. Even if the marriage failed, ex-spouses must still make every effort to be good co-parents.
Rule 4: Build a network of support.
By keeping yourself busy and relaxed, you'll find it far easier to deal with an ex-spouse who seems intent on trying to sabotage or hinder your happiness in some way. Surround yourself with people who have your best interests in mind, remembering to focus on the future instead of the past. Also, make it a point to find new friends or acquaintances that have no link to your past married life.
Rule 5: Actively prepare for your new, unmarried life.
Find something to occupy your time and keep yourself from dwelling on the negativity or hostility that may be coming from your ex-spouse. Start an interesting hobby, take a few classes to learn something new, meet different people, and concentrate on staying positive and keeping the peace with your ex.
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