Member Login
Forgot password? >>     
Child Custody
Fun Activities For Visits
4 thumbs up   good

 By: XSTILLA.COM

The most emotionally distressing part of divorce is the absence of your children, whether for a weekend or during the week. As parenthood becomes the one good thing in life that we hang on to, we struggle to hold our self-perception together outside the presence of our kids. The answer to this is to enjoy our children to the fullest when they are with us in order to sustain pleasant memories and a sense of fulfillment while they are away.

 

On this journey to wholeness in the aftermath of divorce, we must resist the urge to “earn” our children’s affections. Even the most self-assured among us feel unwanted after divorce has taken away the ones who once loved us. Your children are feeling this self-doubt, even more so having lost two people rather than one. Your job is to assure them of your love for them, not to seek assurance from them. No doubt, the bullets of divorce’s gun have pierced through, but your children have no way to fill those holes for you.

 
There are benefits to both custodial and non-custodial parenting. If you are a non-custodial parent, take the opportunity when you are not with your children to rest and rejuvenate so that you are completely available to your kids during your time with them. Resist the urge to compete with the custodial parent. These weekends are about feeding the emotions of your children, not about nonstop entertainment. Relax with them.
 
Remember touch is a need, not a preference. Hug and be affectionate with your kids even if it isn’t usually your nature to do so. Touch allows us to feel accepted and loved.
 
Creating is the most natural of activities. Try to create something with your child each visit. This could be something artistic like designing shirts or hats, or as physical as building a snow man. Creation allows for the opening of hearts and also provides a long lasting record of your time together.
 
Take walks and catch up on the things you miss during the week. Ask them about their friends, clubs or sports. When the weather doesn’t permit walking, a warm cocoa in a bookstore is a cheap but fun way to reconnect. Agree to collect a list of 3 good things and 3 bad things that you experience while apart. Writing it down will keep you in their thoughts while you aren’t with them. It will also allow everyone to feel a part of the ups and downs of each other’s weeks. Try not to watch too many TV shows or movies, as that will mutually entertain, but draw your gaze away from your kids.
 
Mutual respect for the discipline style and rules of the other parent leads to a more enjoyable visit. Personal autonomy in your home is to be valued, but when you can make adjustments to allow the transition between homes to become easier, it will lead to more time for enjoyment, and less time trying to adjust.


I like it  I Like It

Comments Post a comment 
No comments.
Search Articles
Join up, move on!
No matter stage of divorce you're in, we can help.
 
 
Refer a Friend
Refer Friends
Joke of the Day
Joke Title:  Housekeeping
Joke:  He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Resource Directory
Get Help! Find Professionals in Your Area.
Compelling Journals
The end
January 28, 2010 at 11:35 PM
We speperated just two days ago. He had no place to go so he staid at my apartment, and I got to go to my parents... My parents house has 6 other people here. My sister who is 23 (a royal bitch) and 3 other children in school (8th grade on up), along with...
1 Comments
read more  
message1
March 01, 2010 at 12:18 AM
message 1 test
0 Comments
read more  
life
November 11, 2009 at 11:17 PM
my story is so crazy it could be a soap oprah. i am so lost my ex is still living with me...
0 Comments
read more  
Riding the storm out (without an unbrella)
September 02, 2009 at 06:18 PM
I have been walking through the fires of hell lately. In the past two months I have lost my wife, my house, my daughter, my job, my savings, my freedom, and my sanity.  All the thanks for this can go to my wife and her mystery boyfriend.  They worked...
6 Comments
read more  
Can't even escape at night.
September 12, 2009 at 08:30 PM
Lately I have been having severe difficulty getting to sleep at night. No matter how tired I am, sleep refuses to come and I find myself laying in bed several hours after turning out the light. I fear that my subconscious may be interfering. The back of...
2 Comments
read more