I have been walking through the fires of hell lately.
In the past two months I have lost my wife, my house, my daughter, my job, my savings, my freedom, and my sanity. All the thanks for this can go to my wife and her mystery boyfriend. They worked long and hard in the shadows to pull this off so well.
In the face of nothing left I spend a lot of time reading all the inspirational words I can find on the internet. I have read everything from The Old Mule story to Winston Churchill's famous words "If you are going through hell - keep going."
I try to keep a positive outlook on life. I try to remember that nothing last forever. But, it is so difficult to keep moving forward when I remember that the past I worked so hard to create was so easily destroyed. I wonder if it is worth it to pick up the pieces and try again when all my previous efforts fell apart so well.
I also wonder what the success rate is for people who refuse to give up and keep trying no matter what? I've heard all the usual success stories of people who found victory over adversity, but are those results typical? Do most people who fight despite the odds fail?
I don't want to fail. But, I am afraid of rebuilding a new failure. Choices would be so much easier if I did not have a daughter patiently waiting for me to save her from her mother. If I was alone, I would give my wife everything and run away to find a new life.
I have only one big hope in my life right now - that my two daughters learn from my stupid mistakes. Please learn from me.
Sadly, I think alot of people are going to similar times...Ive am going to trough almost the same thing as you.
But you know what! Focus on YOU!! its very hard not to think about your wife, but I have found keeping extremly busy.
Stay positive..workout when you start feeling depressed. I know how it feels when everything you seem to do seems to fail. But just keep at it..IT WILL turn around.
SOundround your self with positive friends..learn a new language like spanish or something. Its hard..i know exactly how you feel pal...hang in there.
Go to church and try not to be alone to much...the devil wants too destroy your spirit.
David, my heart goes out to you. I, too, have been coping with my husbands infidelity for 2-1/2 years. In my case he would say he loved me and wanted to save the family, but would keep talking to her, then be unfaithful again. This last time of discovery of him being w/ her again (while we were supposedly "working on our marriage") she became pregnant. :( The pain is indescribable. Before, i could feel that at least that was one precious thing that bonded my husband and me, but now it feels she's stolen even that. Althought she's refusing to do a dna test to verify it's his. He still won't go be w/ her, but never dedicates himself totally to us, and healing either. Lies, lies, lies. He's broken our daughter's heart, too, as she discovered the infidelity early on and he's never tried to heal her heart. It's unfathomable to me. But, don't lose hope. A great website is one of Dr. Frank Gunzburg. Really awesome. A good support group is also so helpful, cuz they really get what you're going thru. God knows how to best heal this situation. Just try to hear Him and do the "next right thing" no matter how small. God bless:)
Misery loves company, so here we are. I know what you mean by everything coming undone so easily by a woman's hand. It's easier to destroy than create, and they do it with blind, reckless abandon on a whim without the moral compass to fathom, atone for, or answer for their crimes.
I'm sure dog hooked to a chain try to keep a positive outlook too. But, like them, it's hard for us to move forward toward what we want without being yanked back by the chain around our throat that will never let go no matter how much we bite and chew on it. We can't change the past, nor can we make a future for ourselves, so here's us...somewhere in-between.
I don't want to fail either, nor can I bring myself to love again because I couldn't deal with it if it happened again. You can't tell a woman "Sorry, but the last lady i called 'wife' divorced me for no good reason and left me for dead, so don't feel bad if I don't trust you as far as I can throw the Earth." They don't and won't understand.
Now life is like some demented video game you can't beat, can't turn off, and can't reset. All you can do is hold the control or not.
zelgadiss-I see a pattern. You like to post long entries in response to other people, BUT you just talk about yourself. Next time try to offer some kind of understanding or more than just one sentence pertaining to the original post before you go use it as your own soapbox for the rest of the thread. Noone wants to read anymore of your devil woman bashing because you just hijack everyones post to go on about your own denial in each one. Talk about being stuck in the past, its time to move on and grow yourself a new set of nuts to realize its over and she ISNT coming back no matter how many useless attempts you make to idolize and shred her at once.
Pot calling the kettle black? I don't see anything about you in this post and just a lot of hate bashing. I'm glad "hooked on happiness" works for you, but talking about my perfectly functional nuts is not going to demean me any more than she already has, nor reinforce any kind of recovery. Do you tell Archeologist or Historians to "stop living in the past and look to the future?" Do you tell people who have collections of records to stop feeling nostalgic and buy a CD player? No. They look at the past and enjoy seeing what was, not because they hate what is. All I have now is the past, So I study it and look back with fond memories. And you, Mr. GUEST, can read what you want, or don't. I didn't MAKE you read anything.
David- I think life is a challenge and I have had more than one start over so far in mine, one with my divorce and I have suffered two layoffs, made it through one in 07 and now I am laid off again.
I guess what I am trying to say is though there's fear, persevere. Learn from any of your own mistakes and don't waste the energy you do have on worrying about failure but spend it on rebuilding your life. There's no rule stating how many times we can start over so what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. A couple people on here get very annoyed if prayer is mentioned but it is a strong way to cope with all the disappointments and stresses we go through so I just prayed for you and your family. Best wishes, I know it's so tough but you're still here.
But you know what! Focus on YOU!! its very hard not to think about your wife, but I have found keeping extremly busy.
Stay positive..workout when you start feeling depressed. I know how it feels when everything you seem to do seems to fail. But just keep at it..IT WILL turn around.
SOundround your self with positive friends..learn a new language like spanish or something. Its hard..i know exactly how you feel pal...hang in there.
Go to church and try not to be alone to much...the devil wants too destroy your spirit.
I'm sure dog hooked to a chain try to keep a positive outlook too. But, like them, it's hard for us to move forward toward what we want without being yanked back by the chain around our throat that will never let go no matter how much we bite and chew on it. We can't change the past, nor can we make a future for ourselves, so here's us...somewhere in-between.
I don't want to fail either, nor can I bring myself to love again because I couldn't deal with it if it happened again. You can't tell a woman "Sorry, but the last lady i called 'wife' divorced me for no good reason and left me for dead, so don't feel bad if I don't trust you as far as I can throw the Earth." They don't and won't understand.
Now life is like some demented video game you can't beat, can't turn off, and can't reset. All you can do is hold the control or not.
I guess what I am trying to say is though there's fear, persevere. Learn from any of your own mistakes and don't waste the energy you do have on worrying about failure but spend it on rebuilding your life. There's no rule stating how many times we can start over so what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. A couple people on here get very annoyed if prayer is mentioned but it is a strong way to cope with all the disappointments and stresses we go through so I just prayed for you and your family. Best wishes, I know it's so tough but you're still here.