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Conversation: so what to do...
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Started by: wilynicci
on: 06/27/2011 10:43 AM |
| we may not have started on a great footing - i needed a visa and we had to push the existing relationship along much faster so i could stay, but gods a witness i really loved him and believed hes just right for me - yes he had problems but what opportunities i offered him out of his downward-spiralling life was not shared apparently. he wanted to continue severely abusing alcohol and became very aggressive when i couldnt take it anymore and after NUMEROUS UNTOLD attempts at conciliation became very down and accusing and other negative behaviour but never aggressive or below some level of integrity. now all is f-ed up and he has vehemently said many times he doesnt love me and hes here for his little son, but still feels some responsibility for me and him. hes always refused any outside help or self-help and just says the marriage were forced and that i didnt really love him. believe me i've to my detriment opened mself to lots of abuse tried to support and raise esteem and love one-sidedly but to NO avail. he just always takes and i always give and it gets thrown back in my face. i believe i may be an abused spouse |
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Conversation: Seeking Couples Thinking of Divorce
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Started by: TVProducer
on: 02/28/2011 03:50 PM |
I am a producer of a popular daytime TV show seeking couples on the verge of divorce. We would like to help you sort it all out.
Please send us your contact info & tell us a little about your story at: SeekingcouplesforTV@gmail.com |
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Conversation: whaen your dad cheats on your mom.
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Started by: aly
on: 10/27/2010 12:12 PM |
| well when a dad cheats on your mom && your mom is about the nicest person you knw, that hurts. as a child and even as you're growing up, you can never forget about this incident.. is a big trauma sometimes, |
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Conversation: How do I find the strength?
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Started by: hurtingturkey
on: 07/13/2010 04:21 PM |
My 22 year old son has kicked down doors in Iraq and charged into buildings.
Wounded his first deployment at age 18 he returned for a second and then
volunteered for Afghanistan. Where does he find the courage and strength
that I cannot find. I made my wife my entire life.
White collar job, 75 mile one way commute - I leave home at 6:00 AM and
retrun at 8:30PM or later - often to a sleeping house.
I work Saturdays at least five hours in the office.
And I often raised my voice in my marriage to be dramatic and to make my
displeasure known.
How stupid.
In the past year I have put more than 200 hours into counseling for myself
and anger management.
But she seems gone and there is lots of evidence of cheating.
That hurts but was also the catalyst to make me face up to the fact that
my yelling at home (even if it was but once every three or four months)
was damaging. My wife is gentle and not raised the way I was.
I so need the strength to face the uncertainty.
Should I stay?
Will she stay?
Sometimes the uncertainty is its own brand of hell.
Anyone been here and survived either married or divorced? |
| 1 commentsLast comment: 08/12/2010 08:44 PM |
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Conversation: Now or later?
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Started by: David
on: 09/20/2009 07:51 PM |
Is it better to start a divorce sooner before your wife can cause any more destruction or later after you have better recovered from the shock and financial ruin?
Is waiting 2 or 3 months until you are more stable good or bad? |
| 1 commentsLast comment: 09/20/2009 10:14 PM |
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Conversation: Am I wrong for thinking this is outrageous behavior?
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Started by: BillJ
on: 09/14/2009 03:06 PM |
I'm newly separated after a recent disagreement and am considering filing for divorce, finally. There have been many reasons to contemplate this over the years but I think I've finally reached my limit. As always, I've begun second guessing myself and have started to think I should try one more time. So I'll list a few of the things that have happened recently in the hope that others can tell me if they are as unacceptable as I think they are.
1) In a conversation, my wife referred to something my mother had written to me in a letter. I didn't know what my wife was talking about since I hadn't seen any letter recently. It turned out that my wife had opened the letter, read it and then thrown it out. I told her I hadn't ever even seen it. Her response was that it had been on the dining room table for two days and was cluttering up the house so she threw it out assuming I'd read it and left it there. If I hadn't seen it in the two days it was there it was my fault. We proceeded to have a big disagreement with me insisting she shouldn't even be opening my mail, much less reading it and throwing it away and her insisting she would do as she pleases and open my mail if she felt like it.
2) To help our daughter at college we co-signed a lease for a house near her college since between my daughter and her room-mates they couldn't qualify. After the first year the lease was up for renewal. My wife forged my name to the renewal and sent it to the landlord without the other roommates signatures. She didn't even ask me about this or tell me she'd done until the whole thing went awry.
Within a few weeks, two of the other roommates said they weren't going to stay and had no money for the rent. Without her friends to live with, even our daughter didn't want to stay. This left us in the position of potentially being liable for the entire lease, a sum of about $25,000.00. My wife insists that I would have signed it anyway, so I shouldn't have a problem. The problem is, she's wrong. I would never have executed a lease without the other signatures.
3)To help our other daughter and son-in-law purchase their first home, they asked for a loan from our savings account. My wife and I agreed to let them borrow $7500.00. When my daughters biological father refused to help at all, she came to us asking for a furthur $4000.00. I started asking my wife some questions about the savings account balance and the repayment schedule that was proposed. She started equivocating and tried to lead the conversation elsewhere. It turned out that she had already sent $8000.00, not the sum we had agreed. Her reason? She is "new to online banking and wasn't sure how it worked". I told her this didn't sound truthful and asked how many of the other thirty or forty bills she'd paid online were overpaid by $500.00. Again, this led to a big argument with her trying to say I was making a big deal about a small sum. I'm not cheap when it comes time to provide for my family. Quite the opposite. It's not the money, it's the lie I take exception to.
It should also be noted this is far from the first time she has committed our money without asking me. When a family friend couldn't afford braces for her daughter, we covered the payments. I found out years later when the girl thanked us for helping her at a Thankgiving party. Another time she lent her high-school girlfriend more than a grand so she could buy a bracelet she wanted. We never got that back.
My wife maintains her own bank account where I am not a signatory so I really have no way of knowing exactly how much gets siphoned off but I have reason to believe there is a lot more. Anytime I ask questions about our finances, it invariably leads to an unpleasant conversation folowed by withholding affection, the silent treatment or some other form of punishment to teach me not to even ask.
4)You might wonder why there is little about personal affection or difficulties in this post. That is because my wife carried on an affair for years with one of the construction guys who built our house. She never admitted it or apologized but her best friend finally told me the truth and admitted she'd told my wife to have a fling. She was drunk and deeply apologetic for the pain she had caused in our family. Her best friend was also having an affair at the time. Ultimately, it led to her divorce.
I have felt little in the way of tenderness and affection since the affair. It went on for so long, every time I saw her car at his house I felt like my guts had been kicked out. It built a stone where my heart used to be. Even so, I'm having a hard time considering the finality of divorce from this woman gave me a daughter and who I've spent twenty two years of my life with.
What do any of you think? |
| 2 commentsLast comment: 09/18/2009 08:22 PM |
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Conversation: marital separation
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Started by: neuro
on: 09/11/2009 11:15 AM |
| I am a 35 year old woman, with 2 kids, married for almost 15 years. My husband and I have had problems, on and off since we were married, however, in the past 2 years, our life has become a financial mess, which has elevated our stress levels and conflicts. we barely spend time together, always doing our own activities. In the past year, I met another man, whom I became friends with, developed feelings and found myself moving in different direction. When this relationship intensified, it was then I decided to pull back, re-evaluate my marriage. I came upon the decison, to end this "other relationship", which I did, and legally separate from my husband. I find myself lost, but have this strong sense of wanting to start over, be an individual and have my own life! I find I am riding an emotional rollercoaster! Please help! |
| 1 commentsLast comment: 09/12/2009 09:14 PM |
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Conversation: Current problems are just a symptom of something bigger ..
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Started by: Fxfib
on: 08/30/2009 09:09 AM |
| I've been married 22 years now. Filed for divorce 10 years ago when I couldn't stand the stress and abuse of this marriage. My kids were young and husband went to counseling, got on medication for depression and we rebuilt our lives. Now that the kids are teens, there is even more family pressure. We haven't dealt with it well. The youngest child has grade issues that we are working on and the oldest child is 18 and asserting her adult status. My husband has been off of medication for about 7 years now and we are having issues again. June of this year, my oldest daughter's school friend was killed in a car accident. Husband responded my lecturing her for 30 minutes about the dangers of teens driving together and then insisted on getting a hug at the end. Daughter walked away without giving him the hug. Husband responded by taking away car and computer and would have taken away cell phone if he could have found it. He said she was disrespectful. I was not happy with husband's behavior on this one and felt he should have given our daughter her space to grieve. We fought for weeks on this one, never really resolving it, which is typical of our arguments. The latest greatest revolves around my daughters and my hobby... horses. The youngest daughter had 3 C's on her report card. Husband insisted she not be able to show her horse. I disagreed and took the girls to the fair anyway. I wasn't super sneaky about it, but didn't tell my husband about it beforehand. My husband responded by cleaning out the checking and savings accounts. So here we are, counseling is scheduled 2 weeks out, my husband and I are barely speaking. I have opened my own checking account and given him an accounting of the bills. We have split them according to our income percentages. Of course, husband isn't paying his share. He won't tell me where the money went. Taking the money was his way of 'getting my attention' for all of my misdeeds... mainly going against his decree on how to handle the children. I am seriously considering divorce over this. I believe he is bipolar and our relationship will never be right. We don't do anything together, including vacations. The children dislike him, mostly due to overdone punishments. We have had money problems all of our married life from his overspending.... tens of thousands wasted on credit cards. (70+K at one point). I can't get him to stick to a budget. Why is it MY hobby is tied to the children's school performance and not his (golf)? As a side note, both daughters did extremely well at fair and the youngest, who has grade issues, is now getting A's and B's because she is motivated by prospects of showing at regional/national levels. He held that against me too, saying I kept him from seeing them show, even though he knew about the show when we left for it. I just want some peace and financial stability in my life. |
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Conversation: Help
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Started by: scaredycat
on: 07/07/2009 11:31 PM |
| my husband is a verbally abusive man...when he drinks he makes threats to me, my children, and my future son in law. I know that he is mentally capable of doing the things he threatens to do....what should i do? |
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Conversation: cheating wife
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Started by: Gramps
on: 07/06/2009 03:41 AM |
I have been married for thirty three years when I discovered that my wife had started cheating on me again. I confronted her on my observations and and told her that I was having a serious problem trusting her and instead of denying it, she said that what was happening is the result of what I did in 1975. In 1975 when I got married, there was another woman pregnant for me at the time. I was not sure about the paternity so I said nothing to her about it. When she did find out nineteen years later, we had a serious talk and almost broke-up about it and she said then that she had forgiven me for my transgressions as I had forgiven her for a similar incident a few years earlier. So as you can see, it came as a complete shock to me to hear now that that was the cause of her cheating. She said that I should be the last on to talk about trust. I therefore left the home and I am now seeking a divorce from her. I can't trust her and since the incident of 1975 cannot be changed, there is the possibility that if I go back with her, the same thing can happen again. Do you think I made the right decision to leave and seek a divorce?
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